Change

I met this great guy on the Internet a few mths back.
His name is Justin Daniels and is from Townsville.
We have spoken before last year then we lost contact.
For a few mths we spoke to each other both on the net and on the phone.
He hadn't been out with any-one for two years.
His last girl friend had lived with him and had two kids with ADHD.
He loves kids and wanted a long term relationship with me, so I agreed.
He was great to talk to.
The kids absolutely adored him.
He can't come to see us to often as we both live over 723km away from each other and have to work.
This makes it hard for me.
We had an agreement to talk to each other as much as possible on the IM as it is free and at least once a week by phone to help keep in contact with our relationship.
The last time I saw him was on the 29th of Febuary, He had finally been able to get time off work to come and visit.
He stayed with us for the whole weekend and went back on the Monday.
He said he wanted to come back down again and see me.
and he spoke to me a few times after he got home.
Then he said his phone was broken and couldn't ring from it but could still receive text.
He talked to me a few times after that and said that he wanted to move to Rocky and get a job to be near me.
he said he would call in two days. I waited patiently but he didn't call so I waited a little longer as sometimes things come up, and still nothing.
So I text him asked him what was going on... for four days I heard nothing back.
This is strange as his usually no more than an 1hr over on replying if his busy. Thinking the phone was giving him more trouble I tried IM and the other ph no but they didn't get a reply either.
Two weeks still nothing....
Almost three week since he left and two weeks of not hearing from him I did a pregnancy test as I was just under two weeks over due.
Hey guess what...I'm having Justin's baby.
Still not having heard from him I send him a text just after finding out.
Guess what.. the Phone that wasn't working sends back messages quiet fine.
Mind you it did take him two days and a tonne of un-needed stress to find this out!
I missed talking to him so much.
He said that his going to see what he can do, and that he needs to think.
But he wanted to talk to me and wanted to ring me tonight.
Once again as per usual his done the opposite.
I did manage to get some quick sms he says his going to ring me tommorrow, apparently he got called into work all night (refigeration).
Let us hope and prey that all goes well.
I'm very scared at the moment and I don't need this.
He told me that he was going to support the baby money wise, but so does child support.
I don't see any diference there.
It's not about money for me.
It's about the baby having time with him.
But not taken away from us.
About me and where I stand.
I love him I just don't know how to say it.
I feel like I've been abandoned.
I have no family and no next of kin.
I'm going to see a cardiologist in may to see what is happening with the irregular heart beat the picked up on two occasions before.
I'm pro life and love kids.
I'm putting my life on the line here, a little help wouldn't go astray.
I hope the cardio visit goes well and that it was just a scare.
I'm due in mid October.
I hope he starts to do the right thing.
Not just for my sake but for his child's and for the other Five kids (Two with disabilities) will have to go to foster care.
He goes around claiming to be this great guy and appears and an angel.
Great with kids...
But where is he when we need him the most?
Or is it just an act to use single parents?
I'm going to continue to write hear as to the progress of the pregnancy, my fears and what the hell he's up to.

Here is a poem I wrote to him...

I met an angel in real life you know.
Within me, life he helped to sow.
A special Lil life, to treasure and help to grow.
I love this little angel.
With him I'd like to go, but take it nice and slow.
So to that angel,
Thank you for your gift,
With love and a little kiss.

Bella (c) 2008

Is my perfect angel just a dream?
He showed me to be everything I've ever wanted.
I miss you Justin.